Kalyady: A Method of Spreading Christmas Cheer
by rev lady mal
Summary: Belarus, with the help of the Baltic nations and her sister, sets out to observe the Kalyady tradition of caroling.  Characters: Belarus, Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia, Ukraine, Sweden, Finland, Sealand, England, France, America, Canada, Russia


Belarus put the finishing touches on the straw goat mask, frowning at Lithuania as he struggled into the heavy fur suit. She wondered if he were even human sometimes, getting dressed like normal people was a serious challenge for him.

"Do I really have to wear this? It's so heavy and uncomfortable." He asked her, tugging the suit over his head.

"Yes, you have to wear it." She snapped, walking over to him with the mask and holding it up to him when his head appeared through the neck hole on the suit. "Here, put this on."

Lithuania eyed it, giving a nervous laugh. "It looks a little small Bela, are you sure it will fit?"

Belarus reached up and slammed it down roughly on Lithuania's head, making him howl with pain. "I'm sure."

"Ow! My ears!" He whimpered.

The girl tilted her head, unaffected by the pain she caused him. "Fits perfectly. Where are the other two?" She grabbed the straw star she had made and attached it to a wooden pole. "It's getting late, we need to get going!"

Estonia walked into the room, also wearing a large furry suit. He held a bear mask under his arm. "I can't get this on over my glasses," he complained.

"Then take your glasses off. Do I have to think of everything?"

"But … how do I see if I don't wear my glasses?"

"That's your problem." Belarus replied. Glaring at Latvia as he timidly walked toward her. "Here, you can carry this." She shoved the star on the pole into his hands then grabbed her costume and began putting it on.

Estonia squinted at her through the eyes of his large bear mask as the blond girl put on a long, white beard and Santa hat. "Why do you get to be Santa?"

Belarus picked up the large cloth sack for their treats. "What's wrong with me being Santa?" She looked at Estonia and frowned. "Are you being sexist?"

"No, but Santa is supposed to be a man."

"Actually, Santa is an elf." Latvia chimed in, then hid his face behind the straw star again.

Belarus glanced at Latvia. "Do you want to be Santa? You're the only one here elf sized." She walked up to him, to accentuate how short he really was.

Latvia instinctively backed up, already visibly shaking. "N-n-no!"

"I didn't think so." Belarus straightened the beard on her face and tossed the bag over her shoulder. "Everyone remember the carols we're singing?"

The other three nations all silently nodded. Lithuania rubbed his red, sore ears.

"Good, then let's get going. We'll stop at my sister's house first." Belarus opened the front door and everyone made their way out into the cold, snowy night.

Ukraine returned home from the FEMEN protest, slipping and hobbling over the icy sidewalk in her sexy, thigh high stiletto heel boots. Happy to see her front door come into view, she shivered under the trench coat she wore. She could hardly wait to get inside, warm up in a hot bath and put on some warm clothes. She had just put her hand on the doorknob when she heard loud singing coming up behind her. She spun around, startled, then blinked and stared at the group of people dressed as animals, Santa and … Latvia carrying a Christmas star made from straw …

"… Belarus? Is that you under the beard?"

"Of course it is, Ukraine. We're here for Kalyady!" She waved her hand at the other three and they began loudly singing again.

Ukraine stood shivering as they sang, then clapped her gloved hands and smiled. "That was wonderful, but do come inside where it's warm!" Her teeth chattered as she said that, opening the front door and holding it open for her sister and the others. She mentally inventoried her pantry, wondering what she could give them for singing.

Belarus stepped in, followed by Lithuania, then Estonia and Latvia, who was looking at the boots Ukraine wore as she walked into her kitchen looking for something to put in the bag her sister carried. She found an unopened bottle of her favorite brandy and walked back out to where the others stood, ready and waiting to sing again.

Belarus saw the bottle of brandy and told the others the title of the next song to sing, but then looked at Ukraine still in her coat. " … Why don't you take your coat off and get comfortable?"

"Oh no, that's fine. I'm quite comfortable like this," She answered, holding the rather thin trench coat closer to her.

"Ukraine, it's no problem at all. We can wait for you to take your coat off." Lithuania chimed in from under the straw goat mask.

Estonia looked down at Latvia, who kept staring at Ukraine, the beginnings of a lecherous look on his face. "Ukraine …"

Belarus frowned and walked up to her sister. "Don't be ridiculous, go ahead and take your coat off." She reached out, untied the belt of the trench and yanked it open. " ….Ukraine ….." Her eyes grew big when she realized her sister had nothing on under the trench coat but a pair of bikini bottoms. Her very large, bare breasts were painted with the colors of the Ukrainian flag.

"Ah! Belarus No!" She cried out, grabbing the coat and quickly wrapping it around herself again, her face and neck bright red from a deep blush.

Belarus rolled her eyes, putting her hands on her hips. "Oh Ukraine … protesting again?"

Ukraine opened her mouth to answer, but before she could, there was a loud thump. Both sisters jumped and turned to find Estonia and Lithuania passed out on the floor. Latvia stood motionless, a strange light in his eyes and a slight smile on his face.

"Uh, here!" Ukraine looked flustered as she thrust the bottle of brandy at Belarus. "I think I will … go change."

"Good idea," Belarus grumbled, stuffing the bottle into the sack. She walked over to Estonia and Lithuania, kicking each of them in their sides. "Get up! We got our treat from her!"

"Huh? Did we?" Lithuania asked, he sat up and pushed up the goat mask so he could look at Belarus. His cheeks were bright red.

"Ow, kicking me really isn't necessary." Estonia whined as he sat up and rubbed where he had been kicked. He glanced at Latvia, whose expression hadn't changed. "Perv much?" He asked the short nation.

"Boobs." Latvia murmured.

"Not another word!" Belarus glared at him with satisfaction when he shrank away from her. The straw star shook violently, then stopped when Ukraine appeared, completely dressed.

"Heh, sorry about that," she replied, still blushing. "Would you mind if I came with you?" Latvia's face broke into a wide grin.

"Only if you promise to keep your clothes on." Belarus muttered, putting the bag over her shoulder and ushering everyone outside. "Time to head to the next house."

Before they even arrived at the front door, the sounds of a small dog barking could already be heard from inside the cozy looking house. Belarus gave the signal and everyone sang the first stanza of the opening carol. After only a few minutes, the front door opened and the source of all the barking dashed out the door and took a flying leap off of the front step, disappearing in the snow.

"Hana! Get back here." A boy's voice shouted, then stopped and grinned when he saw Latvia. "Hey there! Are you guys caroling?" he stuck his head back inside. "Mom, Dad … Carolers!"

"Sealand, how many times … I'm not your mom!" Finland fumed, then quickly smiled at the guests. "Oh, hello!" He said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Carolers, how nice. Come in!"

Sweden appeared next, looking out at the group of people standing on his front porch. "Wher'd H'na go?"

"He's in the snowdrift, I'll get him!" Sealand said, stuffing his feet into his boots before he jumped off the porch to retrieve Hanatamago. "Come here, Hana!" he called out, as he searched in the snowdrift for the dog.

Estonia and Latvia cast a wary eye at Sweden as they walked into the house behind Belarus and Ukraine. Lithuania followed behind everyone, glancing at the curious looks he got from Sweden.

"Eesti, is that you in the bear suit?" Finland asked, shielding himself from Hanatamago when Sealand dropped the small dog on the floor and he shook the snow off of his body.

"Yeah, it's me." Estonia answered, joining in the singing when Belarus glared at him.

They finished the carol and Belarus stomped on Lithuania's foot. "Die already!" she hissed at him.

"Ow! Oh yeah!" Lithuania yelped, then fell down and laid on his back, legs and arms in the air like a dead bug. Finland jumped back and blinked. Sweden just stared at him.

Sealand bent over to look at him. "What's wrong with him?" He looked at Belarus, who was now holding out a large cloth sack to them.

"He is the Christmas goat. Now you need to revive him." She looked at Finland and Sweden.

Sweden looked at her, his expression never changed. "D' we h've t' eat 'm?"

Ukraine gasped in shock. Latvia's eyes grew big as he looked up at Estonia, who had pulled off his bear mask and looked at Finland. "Do what?"

"Oh No! He's joking, really he is! Aren't you Sweden?" Finland laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. He looked up at the tall nation, who turned and walked into the kitchen. Finland smiled at the carolers. "I really like your singing, it's really nice of you to do this. Don't get many carolers any more, not like the old days."

Belarus frowned. "Lots of people still visit homes and sing carols during Kalyady in my country."

Ukraine shrugged. "Maybe not so much in the cities, but still in the rural communities they do."

Sweden returned with a large box of Christmas chocolates. He dropped them in the sack. "Will th't b' enough?"

Belarus closed the sack. "That will be plenty. Thank you." She nudged Lithuania with her foot to let him know he could get up. He sat up, glancing warily at Sweden, who still looked at him with the exact same expression on his face. He stood up and looked at Belarus, who put the sack on her shoulder and led the way toward the door. "Thank you, and have a Merry Christmas." She replied.

The others followed, but stopped when Sealand yelled, "Hey, wait!" He looked at Finland. "Mom, could I go with them? I haven't seen Latvia in a long time!"

Finland frowned. "Sealand, for the last time, I'm not your Mom!"

"Sure, y' c'n go." Sweden answered, looking at Finland.

"Yay! Wait a sec, I'll be right back." He ran up the stairs to put on warmer clothes.

Belarus looked at Latvia, who looked pleased that Sealand was coming with them. "You get to keep an eye on him!" She grumbled as she opened the front door and walked out.

Ukraine stopped her before she got very far. "Belarus, come back for a moment." She waited for her younger sister to turn and come back inside.

"What is it?" She asked.

Ukraine smiled, nodding toward Sweden. "Come on, for old times sake?"

Belarus glanced at Sweden, "fine, just this one time." She followed her sister as she walked over to Sweden. When both female nations were in front of him, they said with their sweetest voices together. "Merry Christmas, Papa!"

Sweden's face turned bright red, but he didn't say anything as they walked back to the door. Estonia and Lithuania glanced at each other, then decided to get the hell out of there while they still could walk. Latvia waited patiently for Sealand to return. When his friend did come back he had a Guy Fawkes mask under his arm.

"Is this okay? It's the only one I could find."

Latvia nodded. "Yeah, it will work. Let's go."

Finland stood in the doorway and waved to them as they walked into the night. "Bye! Have fu-!" Sweden appeared behind him and closed the door before he could finish.

Latvia and Sealand's heads were close together as they walked to the next house. "You should have seen them!" Latvia held his hands out away from his chest and snickered.

"Bugger, I missed it!" Sealand giggled as he saw how far away Latvia held his hands.

"Both of you stop talking about my sister like that!" Belarus spun around and glared at both of them. "That's disgusting!" Ahead of them, Ukraine had her arms crossed over her chest and trudged through the snow behind Lithuania and Estonia, who were arguing about basketball teams. "Here we are," she added as they walked up the next house and began to sing the opening carol.

The door swung open and a very drunk England staggered out, a sloppy grin plastered on his face as he raised his champagne glass to them, slopping most of it out of the glass in the process. "Hel-hello there. I'll be dashed, mummers! France, there's mummers here!" He giggled as he sipped what remained in his glass. "France was about to give me a taste of his Yule Log."

"Shut up, uncultured peasant!" France snapped as he arrived, smiling at the group of people there. "This is a treat, and you wore costumes too! Please enter," he welcomed them as he opened the door to let them in.

The carolers walked in and with a wave from Belarus, sang the next carol on their list. France sat down in a chair, champagne glass in hand as he listened to them sing; wondering who was under each mask and smirked when he realized Russia's baby sister wore the beard, while Ukraine was dressed normally. He was about to guess who wore the bear costume when the song ended, and the man wearing a straw goat mask fell down as if struck dead.

Belarus came forward holding out a sack, and France realized the game, a treat was required to revive the Christmas goat. "Hold on, I have just the thing," he replied, as he set down his champagne glass and rose to retrieve a nice bottle of Bordeaux he had brought up from the cellar, but hadn't bothered to decant yet.

"Don't worry France! I have just the thing!" England slurred as he staggered out of the kitchen with the Yule log on a platter. He giggled at Belarus as he tossed the whole thing into the bag, platter and all. She looked at the mess in the bag, then stared at England, mouth agape.

"Swine!" France grumbled and grabbed England around the waist, dragging him back to his chair. "This is no way to treat our guests!"

Ukraine, hand to her mouth asked quietly. "How much has he had?" Her brother could drink his weight in vodka and not act like this. Latvia could drink Russia's weight in vodka and not act like this.

France. "Do not worry your heads about him, he has never been able to hold his alcohol." He stuffed England back into a chair and then sat on him. "Please excuse my rudeness, but could you show yourselves out?"

England flailed and tried to kick France off him. "Get off of me git! You're crushing me! I want to see the mummers! When does the show start?"

"Show is over, Jerk England!" Sealand shouted from behind his Guy Fawkes mask. Latvia laughed out loud; even Estonia couldn't stifle a giggle. Lithuania and Ukraine exchanged looks, not knowing what to think.

"Who bloody said that? Is that you, Sealand?" England squirmed until he could look around the side of him. "You're rather late to wear that mask! Guy Fawkes Day was last month!"

Belarus put the sack over her shoulder and ushered everyone out. "Thank you, Merry Christmas." She shouted over her shoulder as Estonia and Lithuania both grabbed a kicking and screaming Sealand, dragging him out of the house before he could attack England.

"Ha-happy Christmas!" England shouted back, letting the champagne glass slip from his hand and roll across the floor before passing out.

France waved weakly to them before rubbing his face with his hand, "Joyeux Noël!"

"Now there's cake all over our bag of treats." Latvia whined, the pole for the Christmas star resting on his shoulder.

Sealand walked next to him, Guy Fawkes mask shoved on top of his head. "Jerk England, he ruins everything!"

Lithuania shook his head. "All we have to do is clean off the cake, everything else will be fine."

"And France did give us a nice bottle of wine." Estonia added, holding up the Bordeaux he had been smart enough to snatch off the table before leaving.

"We're at the next house." Belarus said, looking at the large, brightly lit house. Every square inch of it was covered with large, blinking lights. In the yard were all sorts of figures of reindeer, trees, carolers, a large inflatable snowman and a huge, grinning Santa Claus, his arm up in an eternal wave. "Everyone sing."

The group walked to the door, singing their carol. The door opened a few moments later and America appeared in the doorway, sucking on an enormous candy cane.

"Hey Canada, we got carolers! What's with the Halloween costumes guys?"

Canada walked into the doorway, a big smile broke out on his face. "Hey, belsnicklers!" He grinned at the group, blinking when he saw Ukraine there with them. "How's it goin, eh?"

Ukraine smiled, giving Canada a little wave. "It's going fine. We're here to sing for you, may we come inside?"

"Yeah, sure!" America answered before Canada could, opening the door wider for all of them. "Come on in!"

Canada studied each of them, trying to figure out who they were. "Let me see … I'm guessing the Guy Fawkes mask is Sealand … Latvia is obvious … now who could be under the animal costumes?"

America pointed at Belarus. "And the girl with the beard is Russia's sister, Belarus!"

"That's right!" Lithuania said from under the goat mask.

America's eyes grew wide and a big grin broke out on his face. "Lithuania, is that you?"

Lithuania pushed up the mask so America could see his face. "Hi, it's me!"

"Very good," Belarus muttered, Glaring at Lithuania, who quickly pulled the mask back down over his face. "We are here to sing for you." The group of carolers sang the carol, with Belarus stepping forward to hold out the bag. She looked over her shoulder and scowled when she saw Lithuania still standing there. "Die, you idiot!" She hissed, kicking his leg.

"Oh yeah!" Lithuania answered before yelping at his leg getting kicked. He fell down and did his dead bug impression.

Belarus held open the bag again. Canada grinned and walked toward the dining room. "I got it America, let's see …" He went to grab a tin of gingerbread off the table, but turned around when he heard America shout out in alarm.

America's eyes widened, he rushed to Lithuania's side. "Stand back everyone! I know CPR!" He put his hands on the prone nation's chest and began pushing down on it rapidly.

Lithuania suddenly yelled, kicking and flailing frantically. "Hey what are you doing? I'm not unconscious!"

"Lithuania! You're alright!" America shouted, relieved he was able to help his old friend. He stood, helping him to his feet. "How do you feel, are you light headed?"

"I am now." Lithuania said, shaking his head to make the room stop spinning.

Canada came over, frowning at his brother. "America, it's part of what they do! Lithuania is the Christmas goat, and he dies. We have to revive him by giving the carolers treats." He put the tin in the bag, giving Belarus an apologetic smile.

America blinked, then looked at Lithuania. "Oh, okay … cool I guess." He looked over at Estonia, wondering what the bear costume was for. "And what do you do?" He asked. Wondering if he dropped dead too.

Estonia didn't answer America's question, he was scared speechless by the large polar bear sniffing at his backside. "Uh … Ca-canada … Help?"

Kumajiro made a low growling sound, getting up on his hind legs he wrapped his front paws around Estonia's waist, causing him to panic and try to get away. Latvia began to shake and Ukraine choked back a scream. Sealand stifled a giggle, thinking it was funny.

"Uh, Kumajitzu, don't do that." Canada said, frowning at his friend. "Sorry Estonia, but he always gets like this just before the spring mating season."

Belarus scowled and stomped over to the large white bear. She glared into his eyes and growled. The bear blinked at her, then dropped on all fours and shuffled out of the room, whimpering.

America's jaw dropped. Canada stared at Belarus. "That's something you don't see every day, eh?"

Belarus spun around and put the bag over her shoulder. "Time to go, one last stop." She went to the door and opened it, frowning as everyone shuffled out of the house single file. Looking at the two nations, she waved. "Merry Christmas," and headed out the door, closing it behind her.

America looked at Canada after they left. "That was pretty weird."

"Yeah, but it's fun." Canada replied, munching on a piece of fudge. "Ukraine was looking good tonight."

"Yeah, and Belarus is cute, but she sure is scary." America shoved the candy cane into his mouth, and went back to looking for his Elvis Presley Christmas album.

Belarus walked quickly ahead, heading to their last house. She had saved the best one for last and couldn't wait to get there. "Come on everyone, let's go!" She yelled at the rest of the carolers excitedly as she made her way up to the door and waited, bouncing.

"It will be good to see him." Ukraine answered, as she stood next to her sister, looking at the door.

Latvia and Estonia came up behind them, the smaller nations visibly shaking with fear. "D-do we have to do this one? It's getting late."

"Yes, we have to do this one!" Belarus fumed, waiting for Lithuania and Sealand to catch up. "Everyone ready?" She waved her hands to direct them into the opening verse of the special carol they had rehearsed for their last stop. She looked over her shoulder, waiting for the door to open, her face lit with happiness as she waited to see him and wish him a merry Christmas.

The door cracked open slowly, Belarus indicated everyone to sing louder, and waited for her brother to appear in the doorway.

Russia peaked through the crack he made in the door, looking over the group of people there. He saw Ukraine … and Latvia … and then his sister wearing a beard and Santa hat. For a moment panic gripped him, and he considered slamming the door closed and locking it before she could get in; then he realized that would be rude to the others, and he would just have to suffer her being there. He opened the door and smiled at them. "You have come to wish me a happy Kalyady? How nice of you all! Come in come in!" He opened his door and stepped out, grabbing a terrified Lithuania and Latvia by the hand and dragged them into the house.

Estonia swallowed between the chorus and next verse and slowly followed them, wondering how the wifi reception was here in case he needed to send out a distress call. Ukraine, Sealand and Belarus all followed, not concerned about entering Russia's house, and Belarus couldn't wait to spend the evening with her beloved older brother.

"I am so happy to see …" Russia glanced at Belarus, who was slowly working her way closer to him. "All of you here! I just baked a batch of Koliadki for you."

"Then we need to sing another song." They began the next carol, watching Russia with adoration or terror as he found his chair and smiled at all of them while they sang. When they finished, Belarus jabbed Lithuania in the ribs with her elbow, making him cry out with pain before playing dead on Russia's floor. Not exactly where he wanted to be, if he had to be in Russia's house.

Belarus gave her brother a worshipful look as she walked up to him and opened the bag. He pushed back into his chair as far as he could as she looked at him and murmured, "It's time for our treat."

Russia rocketed out of the chair. "Right! Let me get those Koliadki for you, and then you will have to be on your way?" He glanced hopefully in Belarus's direction.

"No brother, we saved your house for last so we could stay an extra long time, right everyone?" Belarus beamed at the rest of the group.

The others looked like they wanted to die. They quietly mumbled, or nodded their heads, not wanting Russia to get upset that they would rather be anywhere but there.

"Uh … wonderful, let me get those cookies for you! I have mulled wine too, unless you would like some vodka?" Maybe if he got Belarus drunk she would pass out and he would be able to spend time with the others without being in fear for his life.

Estonia took off the bear mask and sat down. Latvia covered his face with the star and shook. Ukraine sat down and fiddled with her mittens, not sure what to do. Belarus looked euphoric at the prospect of spending an evening with Russia. Sealand watched everyone else, wondering what everyone's deal was, but had a feeling the night was about to get either a lot scarier, or a lot funnier.

Author's note: Kalyady is the period between December 25, Christmas in the western world, and January 7, the date of the Eastern Orthodox Christmas. The days in between are a special celebration dating back to pre-Christian times when the solstice was celebrated as a time of lengthening light during the day and warmer temperatures coming soon.

FEMEN is a women's movement in Ukraine. Started in 2008, they protest a number of causes, most importantly the illegal sex trade that goes on in their country. The women of FEMEN protest in various states of undress and put on demonstrations to gain support for the issues they protest. Be warned they are image heavy on the web and are often topless or nude.

Happy holidays to everyone!


End file.
